A new perspective.

"What would you think I'd see, if I could walk away from me?" - Lou Reed

The other night while lying in bed I had a vision. No, not the kind of vision that horny men usually have just before they fall into a deep contented sleep, but that night, I saw a vision of myself.

Now I was very startled. I almost never visualise myself. Definitely not from the outside. I was wearing a suit. I was smiling. Maybe I looked a little like an encyclopaedia salesman. But the fact is that I almost never think of myself in those terms. I usually don’t even think of myself at all. As in, I don’t think about what I look like from the outside.

Maybe that’s why there’s a problem with my self-image. There’s not so much of asking, “what would a person see if he was looking at me?” I don’t see things from other peoples’ perspective. I don’t look at myself in the mirror, unless it’s shaving day. This is in stark contrast to some people I catch staring at themselves in the mirror for hours at the office toilets. I don’t think, “what’s there to like, what’s there not to like?”

The person I saw in that vision is not strikingly handsome or ugly. One thing unusual, he’s smiling. He seems to be having fun. Maybe he’s playing at a concert. Maybe he’s banging away at the keyboards. Maybe he’s banging away at some chick. A healthy, happy guy. Maybe I should practice and learn to see myself that way. Maybe things will get better.