INFP

I'm an INTP. And if you've been reading this blog (I don't really think so) you'd know that. But I feel like I'm morphing into being an INFP. I have an INFP side. The one who has crushes on people, has his head in the clouds, and is an incredible creative force.

INFPs are very imaginative, and have a crazy sense of imagination, but sometime this doesn't really mesh well with real life. INFPs will build a castle in the air, and actually build defences around that castle. INFPs daydream way too much. Much more than INTPs, and it's really distracting.

I think the lady I have a crush on is an ISFP, who could very well morph into an ISFJ when needed. But that isn't great, because ISFPs and INFPs don't have very much in common, and are barely on the same wavelength. In fact, I think we only succeeded as a team because we are so different from each other. I think about having lunch with her, but I'm not sure what we will ever talk about.

I don't know how or where to proceed. I've started watching a lot of MBTI videos about INFPs, and daydreaming. I'm almost morphing into an INFP. And I've been an INTP most of my life, but at very crucial junctures – such as when I was producing some of my creative works – I've behaved like an INFP. I behave like an INTP amongst guys but more like an INFP amongst women, because I just feel that they respond better to INFPs. But being an INFP is very distracting to scientific work. I'm starting to wonder if it's really a good idea.

There's a lot of having your head in the clouds. It is a pretty awesome sensation being an INFP and sometimes I feel like I miss it quite a bit. Everything is bathed in a warm glow, and I feel like I'm in a magical world where everything is sentient. I just feel like a radar picking up vibes from everywhere, everything. It's also pretty exhausting. Sometimes I forget that this is just a hallowed state, and I need to do the mechanical things in cold hard reality in order to get closer to this state of grace.

I think I need to stop daydreaming and wasting time... the lady just hit me up to chase me for work just now and that just felt like a cold shower. This aw-shucks warm fuzzy feeling is going to spur me to work harder, but it reminds me that ultimately the real nature of our relationship is that first we are colleagues, and maybe, just maybe we are friends. And anything on top of that would be a stretch target.

What's the INFP like? It's a little remarkable how important the T is to the INTP and the F to the INFP. Being able to be attuned to peoples' moods and feelings is supposed to be the INFP's forte. It's almost as though they have a lot of intuition. Then there is INTP, who can be gauche and totally miss a few clues here and there. When I flipped over to INFP, it was a totally different sensation, and all day long, my heart felt heavy and moody. I started dreaming a lot, but I also started feeling more emotionally active. I feel the heart strings sorting themselves out.

They say that INFPs are just good at manipulating people, and this normally happens because they have to recruit people for their large visionary projects. But also embedded in the description is that they are hard to get to know, so you can have it both ways – INFP is a plausible description for those who are good with people, and those who are not. Maybe INFPs are good at winning people over. But not all people – some INFPs are pretty much hated.

The biggest criticism of MBTI is that characteristics of people are not bimodal. Most people aren't an F or a P, and most people fall right in the middle. So a lot of people are just going to be hybrids of 2 or 4 or 8 MBTI types.

Another perhaps unintended consequence of this transformation is that I barely remember my dreams, and no longer have access to what my subconscious mind is telling me. Maybe my social instincts are all off.

I went back to the office and she came back after 2 weeks away. I don't think we're going to work out. We're not going to be lovers. I'm not even sure if I can have a friendship with her, or any kind of a special relationship. We're just two people who needed to have something done and delivered. And I'm not going to be able to screw up and have her rescue me again. There was a period when she wanted to open up about her private life, and she never did that again. I don't know if I will ever be privy to that, ever. It's one thing to be friendzoned, but it would be extremely cold if I don't even make it to the status of being a friend.

The crush? My guess is that she's somewhere between an ISFP and an ISFJ. And sometimes I don't know. I've been watching her for a while now, and I've made some conclusions. She's not a saint, but she's a nice person, and she's just nice to a lot of people. She's well liked, and might be a little clingy or naggy. And I see her constantly in motion: she's either working on something or talking to somebody. Maybe I find her energy attractive? There's a big difference between ISFPs and INFPs - INFPs brood over things and overthink things, but ISFPs don't do that.

I have to be like that, but lately I just find myself going down blind alleys all the time. I'm telling myself, crush or no crush, it's not important. I shouldn't put myself in a position where I feel that I've lost if I don't get the girl. But this is some kind of a test: I want to show some kind of devotion. I want to be able to make a promise and keep it. I need to feel that this is a test of will.

And maybe I shouldn't be basking in the afterglow of this newfound source of entertainment. Things have become a little weird: a few of the things I clung to as entertainment no longer satisfy me. Porn is less fulfilling. Going to casual eateries is no longer fulfilling. And I may even be flipping back to INTP for the time being because that's what needs to happen in order for me to be a bit more productive at work. Well then so be it.

The thing is that I know that girls like INFPs more than INTPs. So I might end up a little less likeable. Well too bad I guess. I always felt that INTPs attract boys and INFPs attract girls.