Go with a smile!

Friday, April 25, 2014

Almost one year

This past year seems to have passed very quickly. As opposed to my last quarter in University of Mexico, when I was finishing up. Every day I go to work. Then I come home and I fix dinner. Or I don’t fix dinner. I just wake up and then go to work again. It felt fine for the first few months. Of course there was the awkwardness of adapting to a new environment. But after that, I don’t know.

I watched “Lost” during my first six months. After that there was that trip home. And after that – well I can’t really remember. The weeks just pass by in a blur. For a couple of months before I went home, it was a bit of a lull period, and my boss didn’t really have anything for me. I don’t really know what I should have been doing at the office around that time. Then the work started picking up once he decided how we were going to implement the next phase of the project. And there was a lot of learning and reading up to be done.

I was done pushing out my first major piece of software but the uptake wasn’t good. It was funny because I was doing something that people had pushed for.

They fired one person at the office a month or two back. And it was a little tragic. She was pretty good looking, and she had a kid. I didn’t know if she was married or not, and I had half a mind to bioh her. But she’s gone now. Apparently she took too long to master the job and they had enough of her mistakes.

Things were always a little crazy for me over the weekends because I didn’t have the internet. I would take a bus up to University of Mexico every weekend for the free internet. Now I don’t have to do that anymore. We used to mooch the internet from the neighbours. Until I got my landlady hooked on the internet. Then that neighbor moved out and we finally got a broadband connection, although I definitely will be looking to get myself my own modem.

I don’t know why, but I just feel like slacking away sometimes. Maybe it’s because I’m not getting younger. Mexico is a beautiful place but still I’m surprised that my social life being what it is, three people have flown here from faraway places and paid me a visit. And as usual I’ve been just going to a new eatery every weekend or so. Maybe it’s the stress of my masters years, of balancing studying against getting a job. I’m pretty damn lucky that I stumbled upon a discipline which was good for my prospects of getting a job. Otherwise it’d have all been for nothing. And after that I just felt like slacking after work. Well I still have life goals. I’m not done yet. And I don’t know when I’ll get energized again. Even when I was supposed to have been working harder I didn’t really do all that much: enough to get a degree (albeit a pretty good degree), enough to get employed.

Maybe I had been on social media a little too much, in spite of my not working. Maybe – I started going really serious on Quora a few days back. But now I get tired of it. Flame wars are just all too common these days. And you’ll meet atheists – my god they are utterly depressing people. I did write one good article, and that article was upvoted maybe 50 times. That was good.

I’m probably going to clean house, and get my ludicrously small room in order. Then I’m going to see what I can do next.

I don’t usually blog my dreams but here goes. I haven’t paid that much attention to my dreams recently but they have been distinct. I haven’t had a lot of very clear dreams. IT usually feels like I’m going through the motions, getting my job done for the day, being a good person, etc etc.

There was this dream, though, I was supposed to be working for some guys. I was in an office. It was dusty, a little more dusty than my real office in Mexico. I was doing my work as usual, and talking to my boss and my colleagues. Everybody was genial. It wasn’t completely inspiring, but it was OK.

Then I took an elevator to the roof of a building, and it looked a little like a mall that was near my work place. More precisely it was the food court. Everything was pretty normal. Then I took an escalator one floor up to the top. It was there that I saw what I thought was an ogre guarding a bridge. It wasn’t a particularly ugly ogre, but I sorda didn’t want to go up and approach it.

And after a while, thinking about it in my waking hours, I realised the implications of my dream. I was hitting a roadblock again. In the last few years I have moved up a little bit and I’m currently on a slightly higher level than I was before I left Singapore. But that’s all behind me and I still have some way to go. I still have to move on up to the next level, and achieve what I want to achieve in life. There are still outstanding issues. I had a hectic two or three years and after starting my work, I wanted to relax a bit. And now that I’m done relaxing, I need to think about my next step. I haven’t really achieved that much. I’ve only found myself in a situation where it was possible for me to take another step forward. What would that step be now? When I look back, I had three pretty enjoyable years in my early 30s, but in those years I wasn’t really bringing a lot of things forward. I was just doing some stuff I could have done in my late 20s and running a few long distance races.

After that, I was laying the groundwork for me to go study in the University of Mexico. And that led me here, to this job. My friends were a little surprised that I managed to accomplish something that I had aspired to do for nine years. They were both surprised that I did it, and surprised that I took nine years to do it: usually people take a shorter time or just give up.


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